Well Well Well

Well I havent been on here for about a week now due to one thing and another, mainly because Ive not been too well and then with work and the little monkey its just been crazy. At the moment Im a little better, no voice but no immediate pain which is always a good thing. 

I am however a bit peeved off. I got into an argument friday with my hubby as everyone does at some point over the dragon in law. Now because I needed to rant and vent before I went off to work I thought I would get support off a website that I frequent. By the time I got home that night the air was clear but I had had a few responses to my rant. Not wanting to be rude I glanced and was told I had confused people, which when I rant I am aware I do because my mind switches so quickly from topics and I have so much to say and it can sometime seem a bit jumbled. I tried to clarify myself which earned I thought not so nice replies. I wish I could delete it but there is no option so I wrote a reply defending myself, my choice and my husband. The replies I got made it sound as though I was on the verge of divorce through smothering my husband, which I can tell you I am not. 

The argument was mainly because he had been busy all week in work and so hadnt always responded to me yet was able to phone his mother who was blanking us because she wanted to guilt hubby and it worked 6 days of silent treatment and he caved whereas I thought it was hysterical giving us peace and quiet. 

Because I wrote this I got told it was my hubbys subtle way of telling me to give him space and implying I should only text him in work in an emergency. Hubby rings me on mornings he has taken monkey to creche just to say morning as I leave before he gets up and to say how monkey was he then requests I ring him when I pick monkey up - he likes to know how hes been if hes eaten his food and behaved etc - he then rings on his way home from work. Other than the creche thing we have always done this the entire time we have been together. It is what works for us, just like when Im home and he leaves for work I always have a kiss goodbye as does monkey. 

So for all those wannabe therapists out there - sometimes when your husband doesnt answer your text because he is busy - maybe he is just busy not not answering because he wants space from you but is too gutless to say that. 

Also my husband has a lovely - if you can call any pair of testicles lovely as they kind of just hang there hairily - pair. Which he does not keep in his mothers purse. He defends his family just as I do against people who make incorrect judgements on it. I dont comment negatively on your issues and just because they are different to my dragon in law issues does not mean they are more important.

Hopefully I have made my point clearly and not rambled on too much.

UMM - United Mothers Movement - Uniting and supporting mothers regardless of their choices

Breast or Bottle

Cloth or Sposie

Wean @ 4 months or at 6 months

BLW or Puree

No cry or CIO

Babywear or Pushchair

Co-sleep or Cot

These seem to be the things that set mum against mum, each one declaring their way the superior and correct way without chance of rebuttle. It really frustrates me that people jump to conclusions mainly because of what they have heard, experienced from 30+ years back or the fact that it is a different idea to what they view as the norm.

When I got pregnant I always knew I wanted to breastfeed there was no doubt in my mind about it, my mother had breastfed 3 kids and I remember my auntie breastfeeding hers so to me that was the norm. While pregnant I was asked what I intended to do, which I did think was a bizarre question. However in response to breastfeed I was met with:

"Oh I really hope you are able to I know it means alot"

"You will never be able to do it with those boobs" (I was a G cup)

"You will suffocate the little bugger"

"My sister almost suffocated her daughter because she has big boobs" (it was 20+ years ago)

Then 2 had a discussion about me in my presence about how I will be leaning over the bed dangling my boobs to feed him. Now they probably didnt mean anything by it but as a first time soon to be mum it worried me - was it really that hard? Would I be able to do it? 

 My midwife was brilliant and simply said of course I can its just finding a position that works and she was right. It was hard work but the moment you figure out what works for you and get into some sort of a routine it got easier.

I decided to look into cloth because it would work out cheaper more so than being greener. Also have you seen cloth nappies, they are so darn cute! Again I seemed to be the only one in my little group that considered using them, everyone thought it was too much hard work because they didnt know anything about them.

I babywear but I also love my pram but only got into babywearing when my monkey was 5 months and occasionally still wear him now depending on what I am doing.

I have nothing against co-sleeping and in fact have been a co-sleeper now since January. I dont mind it although its driving hubby crazy and yes sometimes I want some adult time but hopefully we are going to start him back in his new big boy cotbed soon.

I babyled weaned at 6 months with occasional homemade purees. I religiously check salt and sugar content and I dont give my child chocolate. I want him to eat proper food before he gets a taste of the junk and decides he only wants to eat that. I have friends who dont think twice about letting their babies have tea, sweets, chocolate, cake and biscuits and some of these babies arent 3 months yet. I dont judge them they are my friends and its their child. To me its not an issue as we are two different mothers trying to do our best for our children. 

It really got me thinking when I read another blog in work today about how often we are judged as mothers, wives and women. At a time when we should be bonding over a lifechanging experiencewe bitch (for want of a better word) at each other and run each other down.

Only the other day I witnessed on a happy hippy mother forum a woman passing judgement on another mother she had seen out and about. When other mothers tried to point out reasons judged mum did what she did they were attacked for it. It really shocked me. 

I love my friends and if I can help or advise them when they ask for it then I will try my best to. I dont judge because although I wouldnt at the end of the day it is up to them to decide what is right for their family. Unless it is totally idiotic or dangerous (leaving a sleeping baby in a car seat in a car on a main road while you are inside a house and cannot see them for example) Im quite happy to respect their choices as long as my choices are met with the same respect. I want my friends to say hey AprilFool I need help with this that and the other knowing that I wont judge them as incapable or idiotic because they asked for help just like I want to be able to ask for advise without being treated like Im a criminal. 

We are all entitled to opinions I just wish we could discuss these things like grown ups and agree to disagree not turn everything into a slanging match.